1.  Don’t plan ahead.  Don’t think early on about arranging a secure home in which to raise a child.  Especially, don’t pick a husband or wife with character traits that would make him or her a true partner and supporter as you rear your children. 

2.  Leave your infant to be raised by an inadequate or unconnected caretaker for too many hours. 

3.  Keep yourself stressed and busy.  Be exhausted when you come home.  It’s especially effective to feel guilty about being away. 

4.  Give in to your child’s whims on everything and demand nothing in return.  That will make up for neglect. 

5.  Facilitate your child’s ascent into the world of consumerism.  Accommodate his endless urges for the latest, coolest, most attractive, most superficial things. 

6.  Let your child think he is the boss of the universe.  That way you can avoid frustrating or regulating him. 

7.  Live without thoughts of the larger meaning of your life and your child’s life. 

8.  Don’t subscribe to a code of ethics or morals that can override our own impulses – and definitely don’t expose your child to such a code. 

9.  Be sure your three- or four-year-old child sleeps in your bed, suckle, wears disposable underwear, and is pushed around in a stroller while you get your exercise. 

10.  Don’t supervise your child’s friendships. 

11.  Let your child enjoy all the TV, videos, and video games he wants. 

12.  Act as though your child is on his own already. 

13.  Don’t take her out for genuine, loving times together with no interruptions.  Don’t just hang out and have fun – it’s also effective for children to have their days scheduled to the minute. 

14.  Don’t mess with your child’s relationship to sex, drugs, tobacco, and alcohol.  

15.  Never give your child chores or expect her to be a partner in running the house. 

Then what is the answer? …

15 WAYS TO SUPPORT YOUR CHILD AND YOUR LIFE

1.  Choose the best partner you can find: emotionally, morally, financially   and compatible to your own morals and values.  Chances are that they are not going to change their bad habits: no amount of wishful-thinking and even praying can help.

2. For the first six months-hold her, caress her, talk to her, sing to her and play with her for as many hours you can.  Know what happen when you can’t be with her.  Is she being looked after as you wish? 

3.  Make a date in your diary with your child.  Reserve some energy for playing, talking, reading and singing to your child.  Make peace with the fact that you can’t always be with her.  She has to learn to also interact with others. If you allow guilt to overpower you-you will react in ways that are not good for her or for your.. 

4.  Be able to say NO to your child.  A baby older than a year is like a dog-it is up to you to either teach good habits or allow the child to have her way.  And young children do not know what is GOOD for themselves.  When you give in-you allow her expect MORE next time. 

5.  LOVE does not require any amount of money-do not mistake LOVE with the giving of THINGS.  The giving of things teaches the more I get the better I feel.  LOVE teaches that I care for you as a person because I laugh with you, I play with you, I sing with you and I listen to you.  LOVE teaches self-worth. Not:  My worth rely on what I wear and own. 

6. LOVE  regulates a child, LOVE says NO sometimes. And LOVE explains WHY I said NO.  LOVE then waits patiently while the tanrums, wails, sulking subside. Because LOVE is consistent. LOVE knows what the goal is with this child. 

7.Know what kind your child you one day want-of course it will not work out exactly as you want, but it’s your best shot.  Then know what morals, rules, guidelines and life style it will take of you to guide your child to that goal.  Write it down and continuously and consistently choose to guide your child closer to that goal.  Become the living example of what you want your child to be one day.

8. Live your life to a set of moral rules that will guide you past your own impulsive, emotional choices.  Teach your child your family’s moral rules, expect it of her and be a living role model of those morals. 

9.  Expect age-appropriate behaviour and responsibilities from your child.  Children can help from a small age in the home.  They can perform simple tasks to tidy up, clean and even contribute to family meals.  Kids who are involved and helping in family life grow up with a better self-esteem and a sense of belonging.  They tend to less self-centered and more caring. Start young: you are asking for revolt if you only start when they are at school.  Be firm and soft-spoken.  See THE BROKEN-RECORD TECHNIQUE.

10.  Friends teach your child as much as you teach them.  Do not allow your child to be influenced by children with bad habits, bad morals or a negative life style. Guide your child how to manage exposure to bad influences.  They are never too young.  Talk about what YOUR family’s ways are. 

11. Many parents are unprepared to parent their children in the way that is best for their children-the harder, more demanding, more involved way.   The TV can not be the baby-sitter. If you want your child to be involved with you, you have to be involved with him.  From birth through the teens.  Be prepared to watch TV with your child-discuss, explain and entice your child to question what they see on TV.  Allow them to be bored sometimes it will eventually get them to either be creative or read.  Both very important skills.  Definitely no electronics until all chores and homework have been done.  Limit time in front of media-get them to also play.  Kids need to learn that some rewards come after hard work, creative play, boring slugging at a task.  Immediately self-gratification that electronic media and games bring, rob your child of the patience and skills to cope with boring times creatively.

12. You are your child’s life coach.  Facilitate learning, support, guide and talk through problems.  Allow them to make mistakes but be ready to catch them and support them to a wiser position next time. 

13.  Allow for some unbridled fun.  Not with friends, not with computers, not with adrenaline-induced activities.  Time and laughter with you through baking, making, creating, playing and joking. 

14.  Guide them to make pro-active decisions towards unhealthy habits.  If your don’t discuss ways how to steer around peer-demands they won’t be able to do it when they’re put on the spot-and you probably won’t be there to guide then through it.  Unequivocally state your attitude towards drugs, sex, cigarettes and alcohol.  And walk your talk. 

15. Fair responsibilities teach your child how work in a team, how to do their share, how to be a better team player and how to be a better partner. 

NEED TO KNOW MORE?  Read the book:

 

“The Epidemic”, by Robert Shaw, MD